Laugh out Loud

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

If I save time, when do I get it back?

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say!

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright Until you >hear them speak.

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word

Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough

Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..

Your future depends on your dreams.....So go to sleep !

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what Who's in a hurry??

A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been >brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?

Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting..